


Bitter

by Tren



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, spoilers for November, the general pleasantness that is Goro's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 07:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13336257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tren/pseuds/Tren
Summary: There's a bitter smell in the air in this section of Mementos, almost as bitter as Goro's thought, but not nearly as lethal.





	Bitter

**Author's Note:**

> Because I've got a new shiny otp which hits all my shipping buttons and I love writing Akechi's POV.
> 
> This was based on one of [the sensory prompts from tumblr](http://tren-fraszka.tumblr.com/post/169469659719/64-sensory-prompts).
> 
> Thanks to Noir for the beta!

There's a bitter tang of acetone on the back of his tongue.

He's not the only one feeling it. The smell of acetone permeates this level of Mementos. Distantly, he can hear Panther complaining that the place smells as if someone crashed a van of nail polish remover.

But his thoughts are far from nail care. Instead Goro thinks of the amount of acetone needed to poison someone. Acetone isn't toxic, but it's an irritant. A student like them would probably need to digest around 40 g of pure acetone for it to be possibly lethal. It's about 0.6 g for 1 kg in tests on mice, if he remembers correctly.

He wonders how much Joker weighs. It would be bad if he got the amount wrong.

Still, it would be hard to make someone consume it. Acetone has an intense smell that would be off-putting to anyone. There's no way to mask it. The smell is as bitter and insistent as Goro's thoughts.

There’s a rest area when they descend to the lower level. The whole team takes advantage of that to sprawl on the available chairs, loudly complaining about the smell that remains ever-present, though not as overpowering as earlier.

Joker, seeing the dip in their morale, announces a quick break. A thermos filled with coffee and packs with food get passed around. When the thermos finally reaches him, Goro greedily drinks his due of coffee, hoping that it will kill at least some of the acetone taste lingering in his mouth.

It doesn’t help much, but at least now he can also taste some coffee on his tongue. Caffeine doesn’t feel like murder, unlike acetone, even if both tastes are bitter.

Goro wonders if he will be able to drink coffee after he finishes his work with Phantom Thieves or if it will taste too much like murder too.

As if summoned by his thoughts about coffee and homicide, Joker appears next to Goro. His face is as always a careful mask.

“Are you okay?” he asks quietly. Given that just a moment ago he had been talking with Noir, he must be checking on the newest members. Not really surprising given that he probably didn’t have much time to assess their stamina levels during the dungeon runs. Mementos offers fewer chances for breaks with its sparse rest areas.

“The smell isn’t the best, but I’m managing,” Goro says with a shrug and a small smile. He hadn’t complained openly about it yet, so a small show of annoyance should appear honest enough. 

Joker just nods, taking a free seat next to Goro. Wordlessly, he motions to Crow to give him the thermos. There’s barely anything left in it and Joker looks a bit melancholic as he sees just how little coffee he can pour into his cup.

Goro wonders if anyone else notices it, but the rest of the team seems too busy arguing with each other and eating food to pay much attention to their leader.

"Sorry, I should have left more," Goro says apologetically. He isn’t really sorry, but he wants to acknowledge that moment of weakness he just witnessed. Rub it in, so that it becomes even more visible.

Joker raises his head from his cup. He seems surprised that someone noticed his wistful moment.

"It’s fine. I can get as much coffee as I want when I get home," Joker says with a shrug, pulling out a bottle of water from his bag.

It isn’t fine. Goro knows because he uses the same tone of voice when he tells other people he’s fine.

"I’m truly sorry, I was sure I was the last one to get my share of coffee." He continues to use his overly pleasant façade just to be obnoxious.

Joker gives him a look, and for a moment Goro is sure that Joker knows that his pleasantries are as empty as the thermos standing next to their feet. Still, he holds his polite smile and to his relief it’s Joker who breaks the eye contact first.

"I should have accounted for the fact that there would be more people," he says flatly, obviously wanting to cut that particular conversation short. Goro wants to laugh at this beautiful display of leadership. The detective has already noticed that it’s Joker who manages the whole team’s equipment and keeps track of all the items. It’s surely an awful lot of work to do and Goro wonders just how much it weighs on him both mentally and physically. Does he feel exhausted, having to carry all the loot back to Leblanc in place of the food and drinks he shared with the team? Does he ever fall asleep atop his homework and papers containing all the calculations of the team’s budget, trying to figure out how much new equipment he can buy?

Goro keeps wondering. He almost wants to offer his help, just to see more cracks in the mask that Joker wears.

He doesn’t. He has his own late night returns to home, when he’s tired and bruised from the fights with shadows of his victims. His own homework and documents he ends up sleeping on. His own secrets hidden behind a mask that no one can see through...

He pauses, a cold shiver going down his spine as he realizes where his thoughts are taking him. 

He takes a deep breath.

He tells himself it’s not projecting if you merely create theories based on existing evidence. Projecting implies a level of emotional investment that most certainly does not exist here.

"Don’t be so hard on yourself. I think you are doing an impressive job, leader," Goro says reassuringly. A false show of good-will never hurt anybody, though the person behind it certainly had.

There’s a moment of silence as Joker seems to ponder the words, while he finishes chewing on his bread.

"You are also doing great," Joker replies. Goro almost wants to chuckle at this insistent mask of a good leader that Kurusu is wearing. "I don’t think we would have come so far today without you."

Goro desperately tries not to feel a prickle of pride. Joker’s words don’t sound like the empty platitude he expected. There is an edge of tiredness and relief in them. Goro wants to scratch more and see even more paint peel of the mask of the leader that Joker wears.

"That’s good to hear. I was afraid my presence would impact the team’s morale even more," Goro whispers, not wanting the rest of the Phantom Thieves to overhear him. He knows that there is a strong feeling of distrust towards him in the team and that Joker is aware of that. Joker had been doing his best to have the rest of the team accept Crow.

But they don’t and that’s fine, because Goro had never been wanted anywhere. Joker’s attempts at trying to create a space for him in the ranks of Phantom Thieves are nothing short of foolish.

His only reward for them will be a knife to the back.

"The smell is throwing everyone off," Joker says dismissively, but then leans a bit to whisper back to Goro. The detective can feel his mask of the leader slipping off a bit. It’s just a small glimpse of the selfishness of the person hidden behind it, but it still leaves Goro breathless. "If you weren’t here, Ryuji would complain twice as much, so I’m glad you came. He doesn’t want to look like he can’t handle the Mementos compared to _some newbie_."

Joker winks playfully after that. Goro chuckles despite himself. The moment feels much too intimate, considering that the rest of the team is still there.

"And how are you handling the smell?" Goro asks. The small show of Joker’s true feelings emboldens him. There’s a feeling of greed. A want to see more.

Goro have never been one to wish small.

Joker shrugs dismissively, his face once more a careful mask.

"I preferred the smells on the previous floors."

"I wanted to ask. What does it make you think of? That smell?" Goro continues asking. He shouldn’t. And yet, even if his detective mask is made of lies, the curiosity driving him is real.

Joker blinks and Goro is pretty sure that he hesitates on his answer. 

Goro knows he would lie if someone asked him like that.

He wants to know if Joker will lie too.

The silence between them lasts another moment, before Joker finally breaks it.

"That it’s flammable," Joker answers so quietly that Goro almost misses it.

"What?" he asks, because he’s not sure he heard correctly.

"Acetone is very flammable. I keep wondering if my next fire attack won’t end in a huge explosion of flames that will consume us all and maybe half of Mementos," Joker explains. Despite the gruesome picture his words paint, his tone is flat. His face is distant and unreadable.

Goro isn’t sure what to think of this answer. He doesn’t remember Joker hesitating even for a moment when ordering his persona to use a fire attack or when commanding Panther to do the same during today’s battles. But it doesn’t feel like he’s lying. Goro is sure there is something more to those thoughts, but he doesn’t press, feeling impressed despite himself.

Joker had successfully hidden all his fears under his mask.

Goro wonders if he'll be as successful when a gun is aimed at his head outside of Mementos. In a reality where he is nothing but a powerless teenager.

"What about you?" Joker asks.

"I keep telling myself that the potential acetone vapors we may be inhaling shouldn’t be enough to cause a poisoning," Goro replies quietly. It’s not really a lie. There’s just more to his thoughts than that.

Still, it feels like a fitting answer and Joker nods.

Shortly after their exchange, Joker orders the end of the break. As the team scrambles to finish their drinks and get themselves ready for more combat, Joker sends a small smile at Goro when nobody is looking. It’s the most relaxed smile that the detective had seen on him today. 

The bitterness of acetone seems even heavier than before on Goro’s tongue, as the Phantom Thieves descend to the lower level of Mementos.

Once more he wonders if the taste of coffee will feel similarly bitter in the future.

**Author's Note:**

> I actually got the amounts wrong, so don't rely on my fic if you want to murder someone using acetone. And maybe don't quote me as inspiration, because that would be awkward. Thanks for understanding.


End file.
